I’ll just say it. I’ve had a really hard time losing weight since becoming a mom of 2 almost 3 years ago. When raising my kids, focusing on my career, and managing the day to day became too much, I put myself on the back burner. I’ve had pockets of weight loss these past 3 years, but life, schedule, and stress always seem to creep back in and so did the pounds. Poor habits found there way back into my life, because a lot of times they seemed easier, and the behaviors that filled my cup and lead to a healthier me slowly faded away.
I’ve struggled with blogging about weight loss and where I am these days because I’m insecure. I know what the archives of this blog are filled with and I wish I was where I once was. I write today for me. I write today to document how I’m feeling and to create excitement for myself around the lessons I am learning and the ways I am changing. I also write because I know I am not alone. I know there are other women out there, who now more than ever, are facing their reality. The thing about being isolated and at home is that all of the excuses are stripped. The stressors that once clouded my goals are now gone. Sure, there will always be other excuses, but for me, this time of shelter at home, has really freed me of the routine that once made it so difficult to focus on myself.
So where does this leave me today?
I really need to lose weight! I can not keep going down this road. I’ve come to realize is that I’ve become avoidant of my reality. Today, I weigh the most I’ve ever weighed outside of pregnancy. I wear a size I’ve never worn, am far from the physical fitness I once prided myself on, and face a lot of insecurities about how I look and feel. I haven’t wanted to say it or face it, but it’s pretty miserable.
It feels good to say that and to face it. It’s also freeing to just get it out of the way so that I can openly share about the things I am doing to lose weight again, develop healthier holistic habits, and to improve my health and wellness. Getting serious about losing weight is for my long term health, both physical and mental health. I want to feel good again! I want to be proud of myself again! I want to free myself from this unnecessary burden that I know is fully in my control!
I know that it’s going to take time to lose weight and to see change, but it feels really good being past day 1 and to be open and honest about where I am today.