I’ve thought a lot about what to write given what’s going on across the globe today. I don’t have a lot of advice to give, if any at all, but what I can give you is a window into how I’m feeling. That’s one thing I’ve always loved about blogging. Being able to find someone, across the county or around the globe, that feels the way I feel. That is experiencing life the way I’m experiencing it. It helps me to know that I’m not alone and that I shouldn’t feel ashamed for what I’m thinking, feeling, or processing.
For the past 5 weeks I’ve been in problem solving mode, both at work and at home. Within a 3 week period we’ve gone from buying a few extra pantry staples, just in case, to preparing to shelter in place for an indefinite amount of time. I’ve gone from feeling like the virus was so far away to feeling like it’s knocking on our door. I’ve felt scared, anxious, overwhelmed, lonely, and fearful, all while trying to stay strong for my family and colleagues.
As wild as this year has been so far, I have tried to remain focused on all the love, positivity, and joy in my life and in the world around me. I sit here tonight with my husband, sister, and kids, grateful for our health, our jobs, and our home. Grateful that we’re all under one roof together and grateful that I’m being given this time with my children.
After each of my pregnancies, I went through an emotional period where I feared all I’d be missing by sending my kids to daycare instead of spending my days with them. I love my career, but the guilt of not being with them can be really hard. It’s something that comes in waves throughout the year, but after 5 years, we’ve found more of our groove.
Being home with my kids now, 7 days a week, while working full time, is a lot, but it’s also the most amazing gift! It’s something, that in many ways, I don’t want to end. Don’t get me wrong, our days are a circus of balancing caring for our kids, keeping them educated and entertained at home, keeping up things around the house, and executing all of our work responsibilities – BUT, now more than ever, I am SO thankful to be with my kids each and every day!
It’s hard being so far away from our parents and siblings during this time, but I am thankful for technology and how we’re able to connect each day. I’m also extremely thankful for the men and women on the front lines. I pray for their health, for their faith, and for their families. It’s been a lot, and I’m scared of all the unknown, but Monday really solidified that this is our new normal. I pray, a lot, that my family and I remain safe and I pray for our community, for our country, and for all those impacted by this virus.
