Today marks my return to work full time postpartum and it’s hard. Hard because I love my children. Hard because I’m most appreciated at home. Hard because I’m not the same woman as I was before having my second baby. Hard because I’m paying someone to watch by children learn, grow, and thrive while I work. Hard because I love helping college students to learn, grow, and thrive. Hard because I don’t always know if I’m doing the right thing. Hard because I feel like both my children and I lose by me going back to work. Hard because I know my kids will be stronger by having a working mom. Hard because I’d rather breastfeed my son than pump. Hard because I wish I could stay home with my kids and still provide for my family monetarily. Hard because I love working full time outside of the house and being a mom. Hard because I want both worlds.
Today Kinnick is 6 months old and I am so incredibly grateful. Grateful for both of my children, my second pregnancy, Kinnick’s delivery, my recovery postpartum, the 6 weeks of maternity leave my work provides, and the vacation hours saved to be with Kinnick longer while on FMLA.
Returning to work after having a baby is hard, and although it will always be hard, day 1 is always tough. Well, honestly, day 2 is the toughest! While I’ve been back at work part time since 6 weeks postpartum, having these past 4 months to work and care for my son has been such a blessing. Being able to see him grow and change has been incredible and I will really miss my days with him.
These feelings are all too familiar and I’m sure every working mom shares similar emotions. For me, it’s such a mixed bag because I absolutely love my career and the work I am able to do while my children are in school. On the other hand, it’s hard not to feel like I’m missing out on their most precious days.
I will miss being with this sweet boy, just as much as I miss spending my days with Magnolia, but I am so thankful for the people who teach my kids and love them for me while I work. Being a working mom is a roller coaster of emotions, but what I’ve learned is that motherhood is a roller coaster of emotions. Both are hard!
Here’s to day 1… and to day 2! May the traffic Gods be in my favor so that I can pick up my kiddos as early as possible after work.
