I’ve really struggled with how to write this post. When I started blogging back in 2011, Coffee Cake and Cardio was purely a weight loss blog. Dating, marriage, and becoming a mom has changed Coffee Cake and Cardio a lot over the years, but at the core of this blog is my daily struggle with obesity, weight loss, and everything that comes with those two things.
When I first started blogging, I didn’t have an audience. I wrote about my life without hesitation and honestly couldn’t believe my audience grew each year. I am extremely thankful for those who read Coffee Cake and Cardio, but somewhere along the way I started caring too much about what certain readers thought. Between nasty comments and cruel e-mails, I started backing off from writing about weight loss the way I loved writing about weight loss. I felt like I couldn’t be honest about where I was at and how I felt because their words hurt and often, I didn’t disagree with what they were saying. I felt like I couldn’t own my own decisions any longer. I started feeling like the failure they said I was.
I’ve always enjoyed being an extremely open person, especially around the topic of weight loss. As someone who has been overweight most of my life, I know it’s a sensitive topic and I want others to know they’re not alone. I’m always motivated by others who have reached their goal weight and by those who can maintain a healthy weight, but I also know that there are a lot more people out there who are actively trying to lose weight.
As a blog reader, I understand the desire to find a weight loss blog that has figured it out. I want to read about someone’s success. I want to know that it’s achievable. It’s hard reading about struggle after struggle, even though I know struggles are a reality. I wish, after 5 years of blogging, I was a success story. Somewhere along the way I started to feel like such a failure for not being a success story as a weight loss blogger. I allowed others opinions of me and my “failures” to inhibit me.
Somewhere along the way I stopped sharing my whole story and that stops today. If I am going to blog about weight loss and my life, I have to tell my whole story , not just pieces of it. Writing here on Coffee Cake and Cardio is something I truly enjoy, but I love it even more when I can share with an open heart! Working with a behavioral nutritionist these past few months has been incredibly eye-opening and sadly, I’ve been scared to share what I’ve realized and the decisions I’m starting to make. I’ve shared bits a pieces, but I’ve been hesitant to share everything. As I said in a blog post last month, I’ve allowed the fear of failing to keep me from what I know much be done in order to see change.
Neal and I want to have more kids, so I can’t guarantee that this blog will always be focused on weight loss. If and when we get pregnant again, my blog will shift towards writing about working towards a healthy pregnancy. Until then, it’s time to start telling my whole story. I want to be able to speak from the heart and to write freely about my experiences. Life as a working mom here in DC has been hard and I never want to paint a fluffy story. I’m working hard to find success with my weight loss, to get back to a healthier lifestyle, and to find my new normal as a mom.
I’m here to own my decisions and to tell my story. As my original blog tagline stated, “everyone has a beautiful story, you just have to take a moment to listen”.