2015 End of Year Reflections

My 2015 end of year reflections made me realize that I am a stronger, healthier, and in many ways, wiser woman than I was 12 months ago. As I look forward to 2016, I first wanted to take some time to reflect on 2015. It was a really amazing year and I don’t want to discount how far I’ve come these past 12 months.

The week between Christmas and New Years is probably one of my favorite weeks of the year. It’s a week full of reflection, planning, and organizing. Three of my favorite things! Sometimes it’s easy to focus on all of the things you want to change in the new year, which isn’t bad, but it can leave you feeling defeated. Sure I have things I want to focus on in 2016, but I don’t want to forget all I achieved this past year.

At 3 months postpartum, on the verge of returning to work full-time postpartum, I was desperate for order. 2015 began with lots of structure, too much structure to be honest. I was really organized and created new years goals with structure in mind. My life at home was structured, my workouts were structured, my meal prep was structured, my diet was structured, and my work was structured. Looking back, the beginning of 2015 was really difficult. The structure provided me a false sense of how I really felt and where my life really was. Those months taught me that I needed to let go and be ok with just getting by. Breastfeeding, pumping, working full time, and raising a newborn were enough, I didn’t have to have everything else in order too.

As I moved into April 2015 I hit my breaking point. I was working out a lot, counting my macros religiously, weighing everything I ate, moving into a new role at work, and realizing that I just couldn’t do it all. I had put far too much pressure on myself and I was running myself into the ground. Where had the months gone? How was my daughter already 6 months old? Why was I so consumed with dieting? Enough was a enough. I was scared, but I knew I had to break away from the structure that had given me a false sense of how I was really doing. I stopped following a structured diet plan, took on another scaleless summer, started playing full contact football again, and enjoyed every last minute of the summer with my family. I learned to let go and ended up finding myself (and kicking a lot of butt on the football field).

By Magnolia’s first birthday, I had found my groove. I had reached my pre-pregnancy weight, without following a structured diet plan, found a new workout to push me out of my comfort zone (OrangeTheory), and had somehow managed to stop drinking coffee. My goal was never to quit coffee, but after doing a juice cleanse in July, I realized just how dependent I was on coffee/caffeine. It was so freeing being able to sleep when I was tired, instead of burning the midnight oil in order to get more things done. I stopped bringing work home, started blogging less, and started focusing on my whole self.

The last few months of 2015 have been focused on strength. Mental, physical, and emotional strength. Buying a house at the end of 2015 was amazing, but it sucked the life out of me. I was emotionally drained by the time we had closed on our house, but was almost instantly refueled by the joy of stability. We had bought a home and for the first time in my life, I was going to be able to settle down. We made it through our move and have enjoyed every minute in our new house, including Christmas.

2015 helped me to find myself. My new self. Having Magnolia was the greatest blessing I could have ever asked for and it took a while to redefine myself after becoming a mom. This year I learned that I have to stop putting so much pressure on myself and I need to be confident in who I am. This year made me realize how much of the past I’ve been holding onto. It’s time to let go and to look forward.

I am so grateful for this past year and the woman I am today. It was a year full of many memories and I’m thankful for another year of blogging here on Coffee Cake and Cardio. It helps to look back on the year and to see all that I’ve shared. As I close out 2015 and look back on the past 365 days I can’t help but be grateful. It was a really wonderful year!