After getting married back in 2012, Neal and I made a rough plan for starting a family. We both knew we had goals and things we wanted to accomplish before having children, so we gave ourselves a year before having THE talk.
When the summer of 2013 rolled around we sat down and talked about pregnancy. I was scared. Not of becoming a mother, but of going into pregnancy as an overweight woman.
I was fully aware of the difficulties that can often accompany pregnancy when you’re overweight. As a 230 pound woman I feared that the number on the scale would not only negatively affect the health and wellness of the baby, but that it would also lead to significant weight gain for me during pregnancy.
In my mind, gaining 40 pounds as a 150 pound woman was significantly different than gaining 40 pounds as a 230 pound woman. I was scared to gain weight and to go above my highest adult weight of 261 pounds. The thought of gaining weight and entering pregnancy as an obese woman scared me so much that I kept putting off pregnancy, despite our goals to start a family.
“Just one more month of weight loss”, I’d tell my husband. Month after month passed, and despite losing some weight and getting into even better shape, I was still scared.
When I got pregnant though, everything changed. Despite weighing 234 pounds when I got pregnant in December 2013 I had an incredibly healthy pregnancy. I took spin classes until my 40th week of pregnancy, ate as best I could, and still gained 56 pounds.
My labor and delivery were really awesome, our daughter is happy and healthy, and my weight loss postpartum has been great. From the outside looking in my weight loss may seem slow, but my body has changed a lot, I’ve changed a lot, and I’m happy.
Looking back, I hate that I was so worried about being an obese pregnant woman and I wish I had put that energy elsewhere. Now, with a 4 month old at my side, I am realizing that what I should have been focused on was making and saving money before getting pregnant.
I never knew how I’d feel after having our daughter, but I’ve been surprised by how strong my desire is to provide for her and our family. So much so that I wish I had been focused on saving money pre-pregnancy instead of losing “just 10 more pounds”.
Though I’m grateful for our current situation, I wish we owned a house and that our personal businesses were stronger. I haven’t talked about it much here (yet) but my blog has turned into a viable business and brand over the past 4 years thanks to you! It is a brand that I am passionate about and I absolutely love blogging. I just wish I had been more focused on making Coffee Cake and Cardio better than worrying so much about being an obese pregnant woman.
Sure weight loss is still a goal of mine and something I work on daily, but 2014 taught me that I’ve got to stop allowing my weight to keep me from other goals, passions, and dreams. Though I hate playing the “what if” game, I do wonder how different our situation would be had I been more focused on other goals than on weight loss. All I can do now is to look forward and to work as hard as I can on reaching my personal and professional goals.
If you can take anything away from what I learned last year it’s that often we waste energy where it need not be wasted. Ask yourself today, are you spending your energy where it needs to be spent? Do you need to refocus and shift your energy in order to reach your goals?
