The 4th step in reaching a place where I could lose weight was to determine what has stopped me in the past from losing weight.
At my highest weight, I was honestly in denial of how miserable I was inside my own body.
I had an amazing support system, a great group of friends, and was a college athlete… but I weighed 261lbs and wore a size 20.
I overate all the time, I had no perception of the number of calories I was putting into my body, and I hid my true emotions by eating. At that point in my life I allowed other people and their opinions of me to control my life. Although I had so much to be happy about, deep inside I was eating to cover all of the emotions I was really feeling.
When I lost weight back in 2006 I had reached a place where I stopped allowing people’s opinions of me to affect me. I moved to Vermont despite the opinions of others and for the first time in my life I put myself first. I ate in moderation, I found joy in my cardio workouts, and I fell in love with myself again. Life was simple in Vermont and it allowed me to focus on what really mattered, my life, my health, and my future.
It wasn’t until I reached 207lbs that I realized how miserable I was at 261lbs.
But the big question is, why didn’t I continue losing weight? Why did I start to gain weight again?
Well the truth is, I move back to the environment that had controlled me. Although leaving Vermont was a great decision for my career, moving back to Washington, DC was really hard for me. I felt like I had worked so hard to get out of the box I hated, only to move right back into it.
I turned back to food, I started to allow food to comfort me again, and I didn’t make cardio a major part of my life. I got depressed and I returned to the place where I allowed people to affect my decisions.
I’ve gone through a lot these past 5 years and the reality is, life is probably just going to get crazier. I was so lucky to have lived in Vermont for that year. To have gotten away from it all. To live in the mountains and to be able to focus on myself for a bit. What I’ve had to realize is that I can’t allow life, people, and situations to affect my life, my joy, and my goals… no matter where I live.
Not putting myself and my health first has stopped me. Food has stopped me. Lack of cardio has stopped me. Not using portion control has stopped me. Laziness has stopped me. Allowing people to affect my decisions has stopped me. All of these things have stopped me from losing weight in the past and I want to work to move beyond those things.
I can’t say that I’m exactly where I want to be, but I’m working on it. The reality is, DC is a crazy city and not ideally where I’d like to live long term. I like to live a simpler life and to be in a place where people interact with one another more daily. People are just so busy here in DC, myself included, and I just miss the simpler life.
In the end though, it’s just really important to recognize what has stopped me in the past from losing weight. It’s key in being able to move on past those things and to hopefully stay away from them. I’ve allowed myself to turn back to food and old habits before, so the challenge is to forever live in a place where I am committed to my health and fitness, regardless of what’s going on around me.
To Be Continued….
