The past 5 weeks have been the most exhausting of my professional career. I do not blog about my professional career as it’s really important to me to keep those two worlds separate. The past 5 weeks however have permeated all areas of my life, so as a blogger who writes about her own life and experiences, it’s hard not to mention this phase. Running an office of three by myself, especially at the start of the academic year, has taught me a lot and I know that I am growing as a professional each and every day. The past 5 weeks have shown me that I can’t do everything, that it’s ok to say no, that people are a lot more patient than you may realize, and that I have to keep myself and my family as a top priority. Thankfully, we’re almost through September, the busiest month of the academic year in my opinion, and I know this is a temporary phase.
Tuesday night was probably my toughest night so far. Not just during this phase, but also as a working mom. My toughest days are always the days when I leave for work before Magnolia wakes up and I get home after she goes to bed. Monday was one of those days, so when I started reaching my 12th hours in the office Tuesday night and knew I’d miss another bed time, I lost it. I know Magnolia won’t remember these days, but it’s hard as a mom to not see your kids. The long days are really taxing, but seeing Magnolia and spending time with her recharges my soul. On top of that, yesterday was Magnolia’s 2nd birthday (YAY!), so I had this grand plan of buying her a dozen balloons Tuesday night and setting them up in her room before she woke up. When I realized I couldn’t make it to the store before they closed Tuesday night, it just magnified how tired I was and how much I missed my family. It’s hard being a working mom missing birthdays.
When I arrived home Tuesday night, I was pretty exhausted. It was 8:20PM and well past Magnolia’s bedtime. When I walked in the door, Neal greeted me with Theodore in his arms, which was a common occurrence if Magnolia was already in bed. Theodore gets pretty excited when I get home from work. Neal then started to explain how he tried to cook me dinner in celebration of Magnolia’s birthday but that he had a difficult time. He explained that he ended up bringing in reinforcement and out popped my mom from the kitchen. I just started crying! I was so thankful to have my mom here. The past couple of months have been challenging professional and it has impacted a lot of my personal life. I missed my mom and I was so thankful to have her here for Magnolia’s birthday. It was a relief to me and I just felt so loved!
A lot of what I was feeling was mommy guilt, but I think it’s ok for moms to express those feelings. I know Magnolia won’t remember these days, but as a mom, you have personal standards and goals as a mother. I think Mommy guilt is also “mommy need”. As much as I wanted to get Magnolia balloons, I personally yearned for the joy that comes from her joy. I wanted the time with her on her birthday and it was hard knowing that work had to be my top priority on that day. After talking to lots of mommy friends, it’s sounds like lots of moms feel the same way on their kids birthdays. I know that my daughter will spend many birthdays at school and we’ll make her day special by celebrating on a different day. I can’t imagine though that it’s hard for moms to be away from their children on their birthday because it reminds us of that day when we brought them into the world.
Being a mom is the most amazing role I have ever had and it definitely pulls at all of my emotions. No matter the other hats you wear, a child’s birthday is such a special day and it brings up a lot of emotions. I’m so excited for Magnolia to have hit the 2 year mark and I’m really looking forward to the child she will become this next year. I’m looking forward to her having a better understanding of the holidays and those celebrations. I’m looking forward to how much she will learn and what we’ll be able to teach her. I’m looking forward to how our communication will change as her vocabulary grows. I’m just excited.
I’m also sad to see my little bitty baby become a little girl. I miss those baby days and my cute little 6 month old. It’s just hard moving further away from her days as a little baby. They were some of my toughest days, but boy do I treasure those memories. I’m sure in 2 years I’ll look back and miss my little 2 year old. I think in the end, birthdays remind me how important it is to treasure the here and now. Time passes too quickly.
I love being a working mom and I absolutely love what I do for a living. The days when work keeps me from my daughter are my toughest days, but I know I need to be kind to myself. Magnolia had a wonderful birthday and I’m so glad I was able to spend it with her after I got home from work last night. Every birthday that falls on a work day will be hard, but I’m so thankful to have friends and family who love my daughter and make her day special. We’re very lucky!